She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
