it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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