toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
