Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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