dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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