Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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