She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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