where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
