i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
