Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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