Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
