I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
