Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize