Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
