So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
