Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize