R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
