New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize