I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
