omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
