she woke up with a sticky ear
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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