What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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