Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
