tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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