He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
