The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
