All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize