You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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