we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize