im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
