Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
