We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
