I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
