I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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