I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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