The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize