The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
