Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
