I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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