saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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