maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
