We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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