I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
