Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
