shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
