Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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