I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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