Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
