She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
