I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize