kristin has been a bad kristin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Randomize
