In the future we'll all be gay
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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