I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
