Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize