thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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