I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
