I think I died a long time ago.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
