so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize