The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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