I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
