i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
