Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
