fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who died my cat blue again?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
