3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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