i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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