I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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