I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
