Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
